By: Tracey Roberts
Changing Our Narrative
Love takes on many meanings and it is more than just feelings. When love is good, it does make you feel warm and fuzzy, energized spiritually and physically to be the best YOU that YOU can possibly be. Love is that powerful. Love gives you the confidence to believe you can walk on water, change the world, bring peace to all that exists, through love of one another; that is some powerful shit. This love letter is for, five year old Tracey, who was not loved in the way that nurtured her growth, from birth, love was inconsistent, if not missing, but later learned through self-preservation.
Little Tracey, I know life dealt you a terrible hand, birth father left you and your twin brother, to be raised by an abusive alcoholic stepfather and a mother who did not love herself, so she could not love anyone else. She had six children and Tracey, you and your brother, you were the youngest. Tracey you saw and heard things you should not have heard as a youngin. It frightened you and made you scared at the sounds of fighting and thunder. You would hide under the blankets or in the closets to escape the sounds of the rumblings. What you needed was arms to hug you tightly, the flesh of a body and the love from her….your mother.
Tracey calling her by her name and not mom or momma, distance the connection between you two further, and love became more foreign to you as a child, and through observations of other family and friends, you wondered why love evaded the space between a mother and child. Tracey I’m here to tell you, years from now, love comes into your life like a whirlwind, from many who see your need to be loved, and show you the importance of self love first, which strengthened your resolve to open your heart to one and all.
Tracey since I know what happens and you ended up alright, here is a little advice to get you through those nights. The arguments and fights are not your fault, adults can be immature assholes, who repeat cycles that were handed down to them. They are uneducated on how to address their situations, they love you but are unable to express love’s power. They are hurting from their self-hate, that not only plagues them, it affects many within our race. I encourage you to be big, bold, and mighty, confident to reach first for a hug to show them how to love. Children are vessels of love for adults who have been jaded, neglected, or even discarded, like trash, thrown by the wayside, unrequited love, the broken-hearted.
Tracey you’ll have many friends, boys and girls, men and women, who become like family, love you openly and plenty. So do not fret little girl, I know times are difficult. Trust what I say in this love letter, your life will get better. Right now you may feel lonely and lost, feeling sad and betrayed, you’ll learn how to love you first and it will be an awakening, like a miracle from God, who gifted us with love’s tranquility. Peace will come, no more arguments and fights, just a life filled with love and so much happiness.
Tracey you are going to grow up and be courageous and a loving individual. It probably doesn’t seem that way. You will learn to trust with an open heart and you’ll even enjoy the many hugs and the love you receive. You love who you are and what you come to be. Although life presents many challenges, you rise above the fray and love what you see and you give of yourself so easily. So the nights you have now, they will come to an end, so hold on little girl, love truly does win.
