By: Felicia La Sharrel Moore
This week, I attended the funeral of a beautiful soul who was sweet, kind and giving. She coped with illness for a good while but was pretty private about it. She would rather live in a way that kept sorrow from others and didn’t want to cause any burden.
None of us in the family ever thought she could or would be disruptive to our lives. My Aunt Emma was delicate, smart, careful with her words, and never wanted to leave an impression of discouragement or hurt. She was very feminine, demure but not stuck-up or unapproachable. Our family will miss her terribly, but we know we will see her again.
I’m about to turn 61 in a few weeks. I’ve lost my father, mother and brother since 2010 and couldn’t have imagined what it would be like without them. But that infamous phrase “Life goes on,” is imminent with no slowing down. Good times, bad times, happy times and sad times will continue, and in no particular order.
Sometimes, life will seem unfair. How could a God who sees me grieving, and trying to hold it all together as a strong, sane black woman, allow all of this darkness and heaviness? Some days, it takes more than a notion to deal with the shenanigans at work, my health issues, loneliness at times, and disappointments. I have to spill this all out in this way because there is an antidote, a cure, a remedy; There is an Answer.
We never know what, when or how our healing process will occur, but we can incorporate what we do know, and that is prayer. Authentic, not trying to impress others, sincere heartfelt conversations with God open the door, my friend. This act is free and can happen anywhere, for any reason and at any time.
It doesn’t require you to be a Bible scholar, or even (yes, I’m going there) saved. Even an Atheist knows of God, and if life pressures them enough, they will succumb to their so-called last resort. The bottom line is to start where you are. The Father, through His Son Jesus, will meet you where you are. He’s just that bomb! Just surrender your thoughts and tell Him about it in your own way.
When my father passed away, it was real for me. I’d lost other family members, friends and acquaintances before he passed away, but this was my Daddy. He was the strongest man in my life, my covering and shield. He was my teacher of life, God-fearing and very stern.
Nope, he wasn’t perfect, and we should never believe anyone is. But I have no doubt he loved me and did his best as a father. He was an ordinary man who produced an extraordinary life.
In his 83 years, he chaired and presided over many organizations, was a major civil rights leader in our state and nation and was a noted speaker (many thought he was a preacher lol), but in our house, he was a husband and father. My father was a man’s man. When he went home to be with the Lord, my Daddy’s spirit was imparted to me.
It’s like the emptiness I had from him leaving me was filled with his essence. It was no joke! I already knew who I was, but more of my Daddy’s strength and fortitude rose up inside me.
This was like the food I needed for more nourishment, so I could make it in life. This impartation gave me more wisdom, like my Daddy’s. I guess you could say I grew up some more. He is definitely with me every day.
The same happened when my mother went to Glory. She was the complete opposite of Daddy, well, somewhat lol. Mama had been through some rough times as a child, married young as most folks did back then, but was strong like my Daddy. She took great care of me and my brother, operated the household like a champ and made sure we all were never without. She was organized, and although she sometimes struggled with verbalizing her thoughts vocally, she would write.
I finally had to begin clearing out her bedroom a few weeks ago, and I found dozens upon dozens of her writings. I knew she was an engaging bible student and loved learning God’s word; I noticed her greater love for it after her mother passed away. Needless to say, in my house, you were going to get The Word whether you wanted it or not.
I do believe Mama never was fully healed emotionally from experiences she went through over the years, as a young person and even as an adult. But I do believe she did life the best way she knew how, with God as her guide.
When she passed away, I thanked God she wasn’t in any more pain and no longer suffering, but this was My Mama! This was the woman who brought me into this world. She was the one who could sew and made my cute clothes and outfits for me as a child. She is the one who drove me to music classes, Girl Scouts, swimming, and all of those church programs and events until I could drive myself.
She is the one who passed on the love of family in me and gave me this heart I have for my family. The bond my huge family has, (Mama and Daddy’s side) is stronger than life.
Our family’s bond is no joke. Mama always tried to do the right thing, even when others hurt her. She was such an emotional woman, and most didn’t know that. But when one loves hard, it can be a blessing and a curse.
Because she and I were so close, I needed to be alone for a while after her passing. I wasn’t sure how I would handle life without her here, but I knew I had to do it. Here’s how: Just like Daddy left his spirit in me, so did Mama.
The strength and courage my Mama had was unmatched. I could feel that transfer to me when she left here. This is what she and Daddy knew all along. They knew one day they would no longer be here, and it was their job to fill me with what I’d need to survive. That’s what a good parent/caregiver does. Because they loved me so much, my success, whatever that may mean, is conditioned by how they pour into me.
My brother was 14 years older than me. As a three-year-old, I would burst into his room anytime I wanted, because he had the jams. He was always playing records, and his room was full of music. He played with me, let me sit with him when he practiced the piano, and was a loving big brother.
He left for the Army after high school, and I wasn’t cool with that. I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t be around anymore. He became deathly ill with kidney issues while serving and was honorably discharged. He came home, got his college degree, and got an administration job at one of the largest hospitals here in the city, but realized he wanted to work for himself.
He built the black-owned and operated LaMoor Beauty Supply, the second black-owned business in the state at the time. It definitely was a challenge, running and establishing a black business, but he did it.
Our family were members of the NAACP and were accustomed to having activists in and out of our home. As a young in, I’d ride with my brother in his van with his friends during protests and marches. This calling is stronger than ever within me. When my brother passed away from his illnesses, his spirit of love for community, courage to fight and entrepreneurship blessed me.
The death of a loved one, whether family or friend, is a part of life. It hurts, it’s dark and heartbreaking. Sometimes you just don’t know how you may go on, but you have to.
With the initial help from The Holy Spirit praying for me when I couldn’t or didn’t know how to, and the unmatched love of Jesus Christ and the master plan of The Father, I am making it! So, Death, where is your sting?
Death invokes life by planting the dead parts of a used-to-be thriving plant deeply into the ground. It is by itself, in a dark place, unbothered and alone. Just like a seed, I often feel terribly stuck. But isn’t that the place where we can hear God the best?
In that place, we are nourished, poured into, maybe even scolded and reprimanded. But it’s all done in love, and I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world. Every time I lose someone, their best attributes settle inside me and give me what it takes to carry on. Their strength and tenacity truly bless me. It makes me better!
Where doubt usually starts to creep in about my purposes, love, life, job, etc., peace comes and leaves me with thoughts of brighter days, hope and a future. It’s pretty invigorating. Take all of those ingredients, mix them with the specific characteristics God created you with, and add patience, care, knowledge and wisdom. Who can you become with all of that? Great! Fierce! A beautiful creation no one else can become.
Remember, this is not magic. It certainly takes much prayer and submission, commitment, humbleness and love. Love is multi-faceted, sometimes strange, and many times hard to define. But know this: Without love, we will not get better.
Love isn’t always a feel-good emotion, and I believe we sometimes forget that. As I get older, learning more and more about who my God is, reveals more about the definition of love.
I could go on and on, but I won’t. I simply want you to know life is a trip, but it’s good. No matter where you and I are in this life, it is our duty to make sure purpose is executed and fulfilled. Wasting life is not an option; not one for me anyway.
If I waste my life, then I’ve let everyone who has ever poured into me down. They’ve wasted their blood, sweat and tears, all the way back to my ancestors. I wouldn’t feel too hot knowing that I let them down. More importantly, I don’t want to let God down. If you are not a believer of Christ and have read this, I pray you become one. He will meet you right now, where you are.
Reel Urban News Photo Credit: Funeral Directors with Palmer Marler Funeral Home appear on the cover photo. First photo staging, Palmer Marler Funeral Home Cushing, Oklahoma. Location: First United Medthodist Church, Cushing Oklahoma.
Felicia La Sharrel Moore, (Sharrel), was born on September 22nd, 1963 in Oklahoma City, OK. She attended Millwood Schools and after graduation, earned a Bachelor’s at Grambling State University, studying Music Education with a minor in Business Marketing and English. Later in 2012, she earned a 2ndBachelor’s in Business Administration from Southwestern Christian University in Bethany, OK. She is currently working as a Banking Analyst at the Oklahoma Tax Commission Agency and has been there for almost 11 years. She loves writing prose, journaling and composing music.
