By: Ian L. Haddock
‘As I began to consider why I am grateful, I fell into a reminiscence on the days of past, the victories that have been won and the vision that I have for my future.’
I wrote this line in four hours, couldn’t think of anything befitting to come after it.
My sight has been blurred recently because of not feeling like I am truly living up to the standards I hold for myself. Though I have been blessed to have quite a few accomplishments, I haven’t felt fulfilled and have decided to pursue a new project—that won’t seem to get off the ground. With all this going on, if I can be honest, I sat with myself over the entire weekend and struggled to find one thing I was grateful for in this moment.
So, I put my computer down, turned on some music and allowed myself to wallow in my pity. I allowed myself to feel angry, to examine my hopelessness and to go line-by-line over my issues. I sat back at the computer and read and re-read the first—and only—line I had written to begin this article.
Before I realized it, it hit me. I’ve been here before; maybe it wasn’t the same circumstances, but it felt the exact same. Hell, I would even assert that I have been worse. This hopelessness and self-doubt plagued me many times before and not only have I made it, but I have excelled much higher than I believed I had the capacity to. The thoughts of how far down I have been in the past and how I’ve felt I didn’t deserve to excel came to me followed by this overwhelming sense of pride and humility because I’m here. I’m better. I’m greater. I’m grateful.
Y’all, I’m grateful. I am grateful for reflection, for perseverance, for memories, for resilience. I am grateful that when I wanted to give up, I found reason to keep going. I am grateful that when I was selfish enough to not give thanks, that I received grace and favor and mercy and love. I am grateful for vision, provision, and protection. I am grateful for now, tomorrow and forever. I’m here. I’m better. I’m greater. I’m grateful. Y’all, I’m grateful.
