By David Huff
Not often or maybe ever do we title a topic with a “?”. Does the “?” indicate that I need an answer? Or is it that I have questions based on what I just heard, read, or seen?
Coming out of the pandemic, life has been interesting, to say the least. It’s almost as though you’ve broken up with someone after dating for years and now you have to learn how to be sociable again. For me, I can say the pandemic has had its pros and cons. Pros in a sense that it has allowed me to focus on self-care, being intentional about spending time with my family, and not having time for anything that’s not beneficial. Cons because when socializing or even having a steady group of friends, I find it difficult to grow, begin new friendships, or even relax and be me.
This past February I turned 40. Though it’s shocking to see, this number is also a blessing. Truthfully, turning forty was bittersweet. Sweet because I can say I’m “40” when people think I’m in my early 30’s. Bitter because each morning I’m reminded that I’m no longer a spring chicken and it takes longer for my body to heal.
They say life expectancy in the U.S is 80, while for Black males is 72. And there lies the issue. I’m 40, my children are 9, 6, and 3. My wife is 41 and I have possibly lived half of my life.
While playing basketball in high school, the coach would always tell us at halftime that we were down by ten. So mentally we had to put ourselves in a position and hustle as though we were down by ten. So here I am, it’s halftime and I’m down by ten. So what adjustments am I willing to make to increase my chances of finishing strong? What attitude will I have after going through the first half and needing to find the endurance to get through the second half?
At the start of the new year, I decided to refocus my efforts on my health because I was turning 40. They say the 40s in the new 30s, but I’ve never been here before and don’t know what to expect. I’ve always believed “If you stay ready, you ain’t got to get ready”. With work, exercising, cycling, house chores, parenting, and being a husband, I soon found myself being pulled in multiple directions.
The days seem to be non-stop and the only downtime I have for myself or with my wife is typically from 9 pm – 11 pm. I’m what they call a night owl and an early riser. I typically average about 5 hours of sleep which I know isn’t’ the best, but it works for me. Plus I’ve learned when you need a break, your body will let you know and you must listen to it.
With this article, I’d like to focus on six words and their meaning and how they have carried me to halftime.
Discipline – To train or develop by instruction and exercise, especially in self-control
Discipline outweighs motivation. Motivation will eventually get you to start moving or to keep going, but what will you do when that motivation is not there? Now discipline, that will make you get up when you don’t feel like it. Discipline will have you complete that workout when you’d rather sleep. Discipline will have you plan your week in advance. Most importantly, discipline will help you stay the course. Goals are not accomplished on their own, but it is through being consistent and the only way to be consistent is to have discipline.
Intentional – Done on purpose; deliberate
The recent pandemic has taught me to be intentional with the time that I spend with my wife and kids. It has taught me to be present and not just present. It has taught me to realign my priorities and invest in the important things. There are only twenty-four hours in a day and at least half of that is occupied with work and sleep. Still wanting to be involved with cycling and working out, I often work out during the early morning so it would not rob me of my time with my family. Here I wanted to be intentional with the time that I had with my family and create memories of doing things together.
Exhausted – Drained of one’s physical or mental resources; very tired
Being 40, my body doesn’t respond and recover the way it used to. With the stress of work, I have found myself exhausted. Physically and mentally. And this is where the light bulb went off. We should not work to the point of exhaustion, because when leaving to go home, what energy do we have to give our family?
Assessment – The evaluation or estimation of the nature, quality, or ability of someone or something
So here I am. 40. Pushing my limits weekly and exhausted. It’s good to know that I am more than capable, but what good is it if I’m not able to be present with my family? What good is it if I have an empty tank when I return home? What good is it if the stress from work causes me to show frustration towards my wife and kids? Having discipline and being intentional are great traits, but one must know when to take a break and evaluate themselves.
Reset – Set again or differently
At this point, I felt as though I was burning the candle on both ends. Someone once told me the only thing I owe to my job is to be productive while I’m on the clock. Once my shift ends, it is okay to not devote another minute to your employer. Some may say that by doing so, you’re not a team player and you may be perceived as someone quick to leave.
The reality is there will be moments where work requires you to stay after hours, but it should not be an everyday occurrence. I had another tell me that if I die, my employer will have my position posted within a month while my family will be forced to move on without me. When I decided to look at what is important and highlight my priorities, it was much easier to see what my “WHY” is. What good is it to invest in others, if I’m not able to invest in myself and those I love? Having the wisdom to know when to reset is what allows me to be a great husband and father.
Redo – Do again or differently
So now that we’ve come full circle, the “?” for me means “Now what?” Now that I’m aware of these things, what am I planning to do next? The next step will not require a very thoughtful plan of action. It may not require any type of plan at all. Sometimes planning causes one to delay and sometimes immediate action causes one to step out on faith.
And that’s life in a nutshell. In all the things we do, we often have to step out of faith and move along one day at a time. It’s great to have discipline and be intentional with your actions and beliefs, but it’s just as important to know when to take a break and evaluate your efforts.
