Until my senior year in high school I didn’t know growing up in the military was any different than not. See, I’m an Army brat and spent most of my formative years on Okinawa. I went to a Department of Defense (DoD) school. The summer before my senior year I moved back to the states and went to a public school. A classmate said something about his father working at a bank, and I thought to myself, “His father works at a bank? I don’t recall anyone’s father working at a bank. In fact, I don’t recall anyone in a military uniform working at a bank.” It was at that time I realized not everyone’s father put on a uniform and not everyone’s mother was dedicated to keeping the family together, no matter what. No matter the long separations, no matter the far away places, no matter the language, no matter the culture, no matter the good, no matter the bad, no matter the mission.
My senior year has come and gone, but my realization of the difference between military life and non-military (civilian) life remains strong as I straddle both worlds as an adult. The reminders of the difference can be unpredictable. Waiting for the National Anthem to play before the movie. Paying my first medical bill. A co-worker telling me he doesn’t have a passport. Some of you will “get” my examples, some will not.
Other times, the reminders are sobering. In college, hearing for the first time, “The military is no place for a black man.” I suspect more of you “get” that jarring realization.
But, most of the time, the reminders reveal how one’s character is shaped and challenged. At no time is this more front and center than when there is mixed company of the military and civilians. The most recent event being Director Petraeus’ resignation from the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA). My local paper carried two op-eds and both writers drew a bright line between his personal and professional life, which is not an uncommon opinion, citing how one should not influence the other and that the personal should stay just that– personal. Yet his affair is the talk of the civilian town.
A cursory Facebook post on my wall, “Does conduct ‘matter’?” shows a definite divide between the military and civilians. Those affiliated with the military are more likely to make a judgement based on conduct and see how it affects the mission, whereas civilians are more likely to ‘reserve’ judgement based on conduct and make a distinction between “private life and work”.
I reached out to various representatives of the military from active duty to retired to military spouse and asked them questions about this ‘personal matter’. A few individuals even offered to ask others in their respective circles if they would participate. I was overwhelmed by all of the thorough and thoughtful replies. Though most individuals did not necessarily know each other, their replies were very similar, but their delivery ranged from deeply personal and endearing, to matter-of-a-fact, to down right inspiring.
While I do not believe a lack of military experience precludes one from having an opinion on the subject, I do believe the military perspective has been excluded such that the general public has not had an opportunity to consider nor appreciate the reasoning for the laws and protocol which are followed (or not) by those who answer our nation’s highest calling to serve with the very real possibility of also dying for this country. As one Air Force member writes, “Once a General, always a General. Military service does not leave you when you leave the service.” Another has the same sentiment, “He’s not in the military, but the military has not left him.” This is not a scientific poll, just my little hemisphere of the world.
The military definitively differs with the opinion regarding a separation between the personal and the professional life. So much so that even as a civilian, Director Petraeus could not seem to deny his military mindset. He resigned because his conduct was unbecoming. Those from his military world understand his reasoning and see no need to talk about the obvious. A Marine describes the obvious, “He put himself in a compromising position where he could be blackmailed. This nullifies his ability to have access to classified information. It put him in a position that could potentially be detrimental to his ability to act rationally and safeguard the information that he was privileged to based on his position.” The military is an action-oriented institution. Petraeus took action. The resignation is an acknowledgment of his conduct and the most vital act in showing good faith he can be trusted– still. It seems counterintuitive in today’s “do who, what, when, where, how, why you want” mentality, but by accepting the fact he made a wrong choice Director Petraeus is released from the noose of secrecy and deceit and has a fighting chance of, well…being redeemed; otherwise, what’s the point?
To my question, “Does conduct ‘matter’? Why or why not?” The same Marine replied, “I would have to say that it is the only thing that matters. People can say a lot of things, but it is the things they do that make a difference. Just look at someone like Rosa Parks, she made a decision to do the right hard thing. There is no doubt in my mind that she knew full well the consequences of her decision. She chose to do the right, but hard thing and stand up to segregation. She could have held rallies, wrote articles, or do nothing thinking that she was only a secretary and no one would listen. Instead she chose to take a stand. A lot of folks were talking the talk, but she was walking the walk. I often use her example to my young guys that regardless of rank, position, background, education etc. that nothing is impossible as long as you are willing to put forth the intestinal fortitude to see it through.” How’s that for inspiring?
By: Cynthia Shaffer
Cultural and Political Blogger
ReelUrbanNews.com
About Cynthia Shaffer:
Although Cynthia was born and raised in the Army, she was politically born and raised in California, which has driven her to drink and cuss. She moved to California in 1995 to work for the Department of the Defense as an IT Specialist. Vehement she would never date anyone with whom she worked, she ate crow when she married Wade Shaffer, a born and bred Texan, who was the first person who challenged her to think. She resigned in 2007 when her son was born and now she also has a daughter. In 2009, she stumbled into writing when on the heels of sending a complaint letter to the local paper for ignoring her efforts to communicate with them, the general manager of the local paper asked if she would be interested in penning a monthly column. Her main goal in life is to not embarrass her husband as she attempts to do what her husband challenges her to do: THINK!
