Reel Urban News Special Report
By Marqui Hicks
I decided to watch the Netflix documentary “The Reckoning,” about P. Diddy, on a flight to Puerto Vallarta a couple of weeks ago. As I watched this documentary, I could not help but to process how this may be viewed through the eyes of the young men and boys ages 10–18 that I work with daily. These children aren’t yet men, but they are today shaped by what they see and hear through social media outlets, through music, and the current celebrity cultures too easily accessed by youth prematurely, before they are able to make adult decisions, let alone handle adult consequences. These young men are watching closely; they are learning, even when no one is teaching them.
While watching this recent documentary, and in the last year of hearing about the Diddy scandal that exploded like fireworks into all media outlets on May 17, 2024, when a video surfaced of him brutally assaulting Cassie Ventura, what troubles me the most is how hypersexual behavior can be a vital pathway to increased aggression, violent acts, past trauma, distorted norms, and the total lack of emotional regulation. The fact that this behavior is not only normalized but celebrated when it involves powerful men, celebrities, and the wealthy, and spread across media outlets like commercials for all to watch, is extremely concerning. I must ask myself continuously how I can help these young men and boys who have immediate access to view behavior I despise, that can lead to direct involvement in the legal system and imprisonment.
This very documentary, and many others, force us to examine and confront how influence, fame, and silence can coexist, harming many involved both directly and indirectly. In relation to the boys I work with, these images and told narratives leave the screen and become reality. It shows up in their actions, language, boundaries, and attitudes toward their mothers, peers, and women in general. This narrative alludes to how masculinity is exhibited and performed, not embodied. How many times have you seen a man hit a woman on Facebook and TikTok and it is viewed thousands of times? Our kids see this, numbing them to consequences that should very well follow such horrendous acts.
Daily, I’m left to process how to show, model, and instill integrity in my mentees and the young boys I encounter. How can I help them understand that being a man does not have to reflect dominance over anyone or call for violence? How do I make them believe respect should be extended to both men and women alike? How do I make them understand that their hypersexual behavior at such young ages can lead to adult consequences they aren’t prepared for? These conversations are extremely important because they will shape how they treat their friends, family, peers, and future partners, as well as themselves, in the future.
My passion for my work originated from being raised by my mother, an amazing and strong Black woman who endured many years of both verbal and physical abuse at the hands of her first husband and my father. It also derived from being a victim of molestation and sexual abuse myself as a child and teen by both men and women, along with encountering so many single mothers raising young boys today on their own. These mothers are doing all they can to change the narratives depicted on screen, on TV, and in the streets where their children roam, while they are working to maintain a household minus a father figure. These mothers are often silently asking, “Where are the examples of masculinity that are rooted in accountability, that are emotionally sound, who care and seek consent?”
In today’s world, our boys are exposed to the power of toxic masculinity and entitlement. They are not born with this trait to be toxic; it is learned. It is my personal job to help them unlearn this toxicity. Our young boys need more exposure to men who apologize when they are wrong, men who respect women and men and their boundaries, along with not accepting violence as a resolve for conflict. We want to teach our young men to be responsible, to be respectful, and to value themselves, their bodies, and others.
As a Black man, mentor, and advocate for youth, I think of what silence does to protect people from harm. I ponder daily what honesty does and what uncomfortable conversations do to break generational cycles of trauma. This documentary wasn’t about one man, or one icon, so to speak. It was a portal into what can happen to our young men and boys, especially when certain behaviors are overlooked, made normal, welcomed, and never ridiculed or checked! It shows that when young men are left to define masculinity without proper role models, values are depleted.
We can’t let our young men and boys continue to define their masculinity and strength through these lenses. We fail them when we don’t speak out and call them out on their actions. We unleash a generation that expects a certain outcome rather than working hard for the best one. We need to work hard to instill trauma-informed techniques and programming to address toxic masculinity versus healthy masculinity, and to address hypersexual activity that starts before puberty begins.
Since social media today is the primary teacher and narrator for our young boys and men, it is crucial this conversation is had. If these platforms won’t take responsibility for their content because of the income it brings in, we must show them that real men exist that don’t believe dominance and toxic masculinity is the road map to manhood. We must present to them that real men respect boundaries, that real men are sensitive and have the strength to battle and debate these harmful and toxic gender social norms out loud, and are not silent or bystanders.
Black men, “Let’s make it our mission to stand for more than looking the part, but being a part of the change, and ensure that our young Black boys and men gain a better sense of responsibility towards others, but first and foremost, themselves.”
Special appreciation to Dave Devereaux, National Editor, Reel Urban News
Jane Rosenberg is an American courtroom artist known for her pastel sketches of high-profile defendants.