By: Ian L. Haddock
It took me some time to process the suicide of fifteen-year-old Nigel Shelby in Huntsville, Alabama. He was just a freshman in high school and ended his life because of the bullying happening in school. It is tragic, it is upsetting, and my heart is broken. It seems as if there is no protection of black, queer bodies anywhere. Usually I am mostly hopeful for the future, but I am at such a loss with this death. The truth of the matter is though we are becoming a more progressive culture in some ways, we still have a long way to go. So, for the “Nigel Shelbys” in your environment, we must find new ways of protecting them from the weight of being a person of color and queer in the complex society we live in.
Unfortunately, statistics show that this is somewhat normal as queer youth are three times more likely than their heterosexual counterparts to attempt suicide and after car accidents, suicide is the second-leading cause of death amongst adolescents. It is disturbing. Simply disturbing.
As I continue to read the stories from his friends, teachers and family members, I can’t help but think about where I was at fifteen: a poor, lonely, intelligent, gay kid in an underserved suburb of Houston, Texas. We were wrapped on our east and west neighboring towns with racism and enveloped on every angle in homophobia. Though I have tattoos down my arm now, I can still feel the remnants of my cutting myself in high school. I don’t know if I wanted to die, but just to be seen and heard instead of ridiculed and laughed at. Once I came to the big city and saw there were other people who looked and identified like me, I wanted to be around them; college became a lower priority than being around my LGBT community because, for the first time, I felt protected and loved wholly when in their space.
I can imagine my story is like many of the stories out there of LGBT survivors who attempted suicide. If it wasn’t for black gay men and transwomen, I wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for the ability to know that there was a bigger world with possibilities and connectivity, I don’t know if I would have had the strength to continue. I also wonder, had more people been able to experience how loving, talented and empowering my community was, would they ridicule me so?
Therefore, visibility matters. This is why all types of persons should be widely viewable in all spaces. We must look critically at what we feel is “okay” for children to consume. It is not protecting your children when you don’t allow them to see all different types of folx represented; it is the harming of queer youth.
Mainstream media is a start. Let kids, within reason, see normal depictions of what LGBT folx look like. In the past few years, we have people like Karamo Brown, Janet Mock, Don Lemon, Amiyah Scott, “Miss” Lawrence Washington and Lena Waithe placed all over our televisions that show that we are here. Now, we also have the popularity and influence of social media that is widely popular amongst youth and young adults. This allows for us to be even more visible. For instance, there is a hugely successful social media maven, TS Madison, who has built her following completely on social media and was impersonated on RuPaul’s Drag Race’s popular “Snatch Game.” Though funny and entertaining, she brings a rawness and realness to her conversations that doesn’t hide what she had to go through but also celebrates that you can get through anything. And, of course, you and your parents know RuPaul. Their Emmy award-winning show is popular and is probably more engaging and appropriate to kids than the soap operas our parents used to force us to watch in the summer.
We also must examine the culture that we allow for our kids to participate in and give that a critical look. Weeks ago, much of the LGBT community stood conflicted behind a great Black man’s death, Nipsey Hussle, after him making some extremely homophobic comments prior to his untimely demise. We can’t deny what Nipsey did for the culture, but I also can’t hypothesize what Nigel Shelby could have become if he didn’t feel that life was too much at fifteen. I mourn for Nipsey, but I am in pain over Nigel simply because the same thoughts Nipsey shared fuel the harassment, bullying and distaste that caused little Nigel to end his life.
Our youth need hope. We need to watch what we are teaching our kids, what we speak into our kids, and to focus on teaching how love abounds to everyone no matter their race, creed, sexuality or different ability. It’s the visibility that the general population needs to see, that we aren’t some weird, grotesque, gay agenda-having people. We are just people. We just want what everyone wants: love.
