By: Willis Cooks, MSSA, MNO, LSW
Changing Our Narrative
It’s the top of the year and this is the common phrase that goes around. We tend to reflect on the negative experiences throughout the year and neglect the positive experiences. This brings us to a place where we believe we need to restart. We need to clean our plate and start fresh.
A few weeks into the new year and those habits, goals, and resolutions begin to fade. We soon forget about them and I’ve been there as well. Everything that I set out to complete, I put off because things begin to pop up. Old habits begin to creep in, the discipline was never formed, and other things become a priority.
Why does this keep happening? Why do we continuously fail at accomplishing those New Year’s resolutions? There are a few reasons why but I want you to focus on how you start the new year.
Also By Cooks: https://www.reelurbannews.com/the-importance-of-black-men-seeking-therapy/
“It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.” This is 100% true but this quote may be more about momentum than simply finishing in a positive way. Momentum can create both a very positive and a destructive path. One small snowball could flatten a car if rolled down a slope long enough and that is what’s most important. The length of time you spend going down that slope may determine how difficult it will be to get out of it. Now, you will get out of it at some point. However, time will always continue to move along. Within that negative rut, you’ll get lost. Then once you’ve finally looked up, the year is over and nothing has been accomplished. Now, we have to reset.
Sometimes though, that negative momentum rolls over into the new year. Those negative habits, people, and characteristics come along with us in 2020. How can I get rid of toxic people if that toxic person is my child? How can I get rid of this negative habit if this habit is the only coping skill that seems to work? How can I become financially smarter if I have no finances to work with?
Through my experience as a therapist, we sometimes reach a severe state of depression due to a culmination of challenges that take place one after another. We don’t get a break from the punches life gives us because we are stuck on this downward slope. This negative momentum causes the small challenges to grow into bigger challenges that are much more complex and chaotic.
So when it comes to how you start the new year, it’s okay if you are not able to reset. The year, month, and day may change but New Year’s Day is still the due date for the majority of our bills. Your bad partner is still a bad partner, your job still sucks, and that toxic person is still a toxic person. Things are going to continue to move, including that negative momentum you’re in.
But to get out of it … STOP! Just stop. Sounds simple but we have to stop and look for something meaningful. Don’t stop and look for a quick fix because that instant gratification will do nothing but push us back down that slope. Always choose something meaningful, not expedient. Find meaning in getting over that hump. Find meaning in accomplishing your goals. Find meaning in becoming financially smarter. Find meaning in living. When we are rolling down that hill and we have no meaning to get up, we are going to smack the ground. Very, very, very hard. Life is going to force us to wake up and when life decides to push us a certain way, we won’t be ready for it. We will still be healing from that previous tumble we had. If you are not able to reset and the challenges of 2019 are still with you today, THAT IS OKAY! Stand up, find something that is meaningful to you, and put an end to that negative momentum you’ve been in. It’s time to start a new path.
